And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
