No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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