my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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