I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
