he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
