I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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