I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
