and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
