The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
