You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
