somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
