He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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