The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
