I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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