It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
