Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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