i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
