do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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