i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
