So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
