i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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