We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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