Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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