Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
