I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
