so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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