I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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