I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
