She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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