I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
