We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
