peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
