also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
