He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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