and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
