i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
