We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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