HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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