I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
