not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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