nut hugger
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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