is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
