i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
