Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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