I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
