I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
