i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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