As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
