I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
