just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
