He kissed a someone with a penis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
